Well, it was a long day today and I must say that I’m running low in energy and concentration. This morning, I woke up, gave Shi Min a call, and made my way to Compass Point to do some work, knowing that I won’t have time tonight. After all the homework and lunch, we went to school together. I was playing with my scientific calculator with a silly game that my classmates started with. It’s pressing the button ‘M+’. It’ll show the number of times you pushed it. No cheatings and all can be done. I just started this morning and now, I’ve reached 20000 times.

Today’s full dress rehearsal was HOT. I was in a business suit. Skirt + blazer + peach pink long sleeves shirt + court shoes. We had make-ups on as well as those headsets. I screwed up my speech. I forgot my lines on the spot, despite having  the script on the podium. Anyhow, the other parts were great. As in, I didn’t screw up and was full of energy. We had utensils on the table too, with a wine glass, filled with plain water today. Drank quite a lot during the whole performance.

Although the rehearsal was quite a great event today, my thoughts seemed more important to me, at this point of time. I don’t know what happened, we were suppose to go for a drink to relax a bit and all after the long day. But Wendy wasn’t in the mood cause she lost her shoe box. She took a cab home. Next, Hazimah went off on the motorbike. Tim and Ben went off too. I was left walking alone in the night. I wasn’t scared, seriously. Just lonely. Couldn’t remember what was I thinking, but I knew it was some crappy negative thoughts.

As the song, ‘Sunday Bloody Sunday’ by U2 played on my Mp3, my mind and all, I stared at the LRT track, thought of the horrible loneliness and tears filled my eyes. I was alone at the LRT station. The night was silent and I thought it was a rather great night to go for a walk alone, or with someone I could talk to, especially a walk by the sea, by the beach. That would’ve been great.

I looked ahead and saw no sign of a LRT train. I looked towards the school and saw groups of people heading towards the station. My first thought was: oh no. I hope the LRT train comes really soon. Reason was because, groups of people can be distracting and disturbing. It breaks the silience of the night. Although I won’t be lonely, I thought I’d rather be alone than be in a crowd.

Unfortunately, the LRT train didn’t hear my call. It came awhile later when the groups of people got to the station. Jia Ying was among them. Hence, I talked to her. She’s one of my closest friends. Then we for a drink. Off I went for home as I walked the short distance back to my house, dragging my feet.

You know, I feel like talking to someone, face to face, or on the phone. I think it’s either Miss Lo or Miss Sophia Tan. I just feel like talking. I want to talk about something. I want to get the things off my heart and mind. But somehow, if I were to call them, I wouldn’t know how to start. I don’t know what I want to talk about. But I know there’s just this something that’s stuck in my mind that I’d like some advice about, or maybe just a listening ear. However, when I don’t know what is it, they won’t know what is it. When they don’t know that is it, they can’t helping. I’ll be wasting their time which I won’t want to. I DID try talking to Miss Lo, hoping that this thing stuck in me will just be blurted out. But it didn’t happen. I don’t know what to do about it now.

Tomorrow will be an extremely tired day. I’ll have to wake up early for the Milo Race, then I have dragon boat training in the afternoon. It’s a bit crazy. I’ve got lots of homework not done but I think I ought to go for training. I skipped training last sunday and 3 days of this week. The race is on 29 July. Oh no. I don’t know what to do. If I go for everything tomorrow, I’ll have absolutely no time for homework. But I’m still considering not to go for training. >< EEKS.

I think I seriously need to talk.

yours,
huishan.

Advertisements