Every morning, I am reluctant to wake up and thinking about the school day makes me sick. Well, not exactly sick, but probably makes me even more tired and all. I will munch on my breakfast, feeling really full by just a few bites. Nevertheless, I’d finish it. I’ll go to the bus stop and wait for the bus. Sometimes, I’d be really glad that I’m early, but recently, being later than usual is happiness. I can slow down and I’d watch the bus drive pass me, not having the urge to run for it. I used to run for buses, even ran 2 bus stops before to catch it. But now, I think otherwise. If I don’t run after the bus, I’d have time to sit at the bus stop to rest. I’m just making myself more tired if I run for the bus.

To me, there will be unexpected things that’ll happen at school. I can be great one moment and upset the next. This is my life. And it’s horrible. It’s odd, yes. But that’s how things work. Commitments clashes and I’d have to make a choice, just like today. Choices, are hard for me now. I fear that I will make the ‘wrong’ choice. Probably not wrong, but just not a good choice. It happened before, when I chose my school at primary 6. Today, I had to choose between going for the Jalan Kayu Heritage Trail and the Academic Excellence Programme story telling at Fernvale Primary. Both are in charged by Miss J. Lim and Miss Jas respectively.

I did mention to Miss Lim yesterday that I had to go for storytelling. Apparently, I’d be asked to skip it. But today, Miss Jas met us up during morning assembly and I told her. She said that I must go for the storytelling. I’ve practised my narrations for the Biology Trail already and now, I’ve been asked to skip the Heritage Trail. I told her that Miss Lim asked me not to go for the storytelling and she became furious. Everyone pointed fingers of blame at me, saying that I said the wrong thing. The fact is, Miss Lim DID say that to me. However, why must Miss Jas be so furious. Can’t we just sit down and talk things out. So, I got Miss Lim into trouble, didn’t I? =/

After everything, she asked me to decide which one to go to. Now, for either one I choose, I’m going to get a bit of lecturing from each. It really troubled me the whole morning. Yes, I was annoyed. I was troubled and I totally don’t know which to choose. I dislike being put in a position whereby I have to choose.

After school, I went to look for Miss Lim again as I looked for her during recess and couldn’t find her. This time, I couldn’t get her again. I saw Mr Lin and he was involved. I asked him which to go for and if it’s all right for me not to go for the heritage trail. He asked me to go for the storytelling session and also informed me that Miss Lim is not around today.

Goodness. Still, I wasn’t satisfied. I still didn’t know what to do. I went down to level 1 and looked for Miss Jas who was supposed to be waiting already since I was delayed by going to level 4. It was really disappointing to see no sign of Miss Jas. Wosrt still, there was only 2 out of 22 students in this programme there. I was pissed off, confused and all. Breathing hard, I went to look for Wendy. It’s just so frustrating. Miss Jas made it difficult for me and now I’ve made my choice. And the choice I made seemed so wrong. People are not even prepared when I rushed around like a mad woman. This is just so super irritating.

When Miss Jas finally appeared, I told her I’ve decided to go as Miss Lim wasn’t in school. You know what she told me? ‘HA! You’re so slow! I know it since morning and you just found out! I knew it!’. Dang. Oh my goodness. She knew it since morning and didn’t tell me?? Oh whatever.

Wendy and I walked under the sun towards Ferncale Primary School. We were the first to reach there and strolled to the library. The kids were there and we were put in charged by the teacher there. I was extremely annoyed and pissed by the girls from 2E1, and for good reasons. First, we were all there at the foyer when we set off. Second, it was 14:50 and they were 20 minutes late. I find it really irresponsible for them to be strolling and all. It gave A LOT of trouble, really. Many kids couldn’t find their storytellers and were lost. They looked really bored and unhappy. You know, it’s really hard to handle it?

After the whole thing, I went back to school to look for Mr Larry. I guess he left. Well, nevermind, then I left the school. So I kind of walked back to school for nothing. It’s okay though. Ive been feeling this for a few days already — I don’t want to go home to early. Home isn’t really like a home. My parents are at home and not working. It reduces the number of things I can do at home. It’ll be worst if I get naggings and scoldings from them. Apart from that, I didn’t have the mood to travel. There are basically 2 ways I can go home. One is to take the LRT train [usually the longer distance], then transfer to a bus. Or not, I’ll walk through the terrace houses, to a bus stop where I’ll take a bus for 2 bus stops. Apparently, the second way is faster, but more tiring. The first way is slower, but I can ‘relax’. I’ll NEVER feel good to take the LRT home alone. It’s always boring and lonely and that’s terrible. By the end of the day, I’m all tired and restless. I have not much energy left to walk or travel. I wish I stay in school. I just feel really laxy to do anything.

Today, I actually planned to do my homework out tonight. However, I just feel so lethargic and can barely do any work. In addition, I have no energy to travel. So, I called it off. Sigh. That’s bad. Now, what happens to my homework? Once again, I’m more interested in self-study. Homework… ><

I can’t recall what I have tomorrow. But it seem like a busy day to me when I can’t even think of what I’m having after school. We’ll be doing Physics practical. ARGH. No mood for anything now. =/ In future, I’ll be travelling by public transport more often. Dad just sold his car. Now, he’d drive a cab, 18:00 to 06:00. Night shift. Eeks. Wonder how do I survive without transport at home.

I am so sick and tired now. I want to sleep, but don’t have the mood for it. I want to play Upshift Strike Racer, but don’t have the mood to race or attack. I want to do my TYS now, but again, no mood for it. The brain isn’t functioning like how it should. Argh.

Things better be good tomorrow. I’ll probably look for Mr Larry after school to get some of these annoyance out of my mind. It’s driving me nuts and making me feel so horrible.

yours,
huishan.

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