I know I haven’t been updating my blog, because I was lazy and busy.

But now, I’m updating because I think I really have nowhere else to express them.

I’ve been feeling this way for the past few days or even the past few weeks. I’ve been very irritated and frustrated easily and I really hate that side of myself. Having that said, I still can’t seem to change. It because of many things, accumulating, causing such a great impact on me I guess. Exams, expedition, commitments, friends, and naggings.

Exam stress, that’s natural. Expedition, there are lots of things settle and I think there are some problems in the committee. The ways of communication is just not right. I shan’t go into details, it has gotten better though. Naggings from my mom really doesn’t help.

Actually, one of the worst reasons is sadly, friends. I’m sorry but I need to say this. Some of my good friends have left, unbelievable. I thought we could be friends forever, but then to contact them is almost impossible. Everything else seems to be more important. They can’t even make time for a friend’s birthday celebration which only takes up like, 3 to 4 hours of their evening. What happened to all those ‘keep in touch’, ‘friends forever’, etc. messages on those cards that were given to me on Prom Night?

Next, again, friends. And same thing, sorry, I need to say this. I’ve mentioned this issue before; a number of times. But I’m not sure whether I’m taken seriously or not. Why must I always be disturbed? The same issues. First, don’t you ever get sick of repeating the same thing over and over again? If you don’t, I do. Second, what’s with irritating me? Is it THAT fun and interesting? If it is, I just got to say that you may be enjoying it, but at the expense of someone’s patience and mood. Why wouldn’t anyone ever stop annoying me? Are you testing my patience or do you want to see me blow up? You know, I really can’t take it anymore. It doesn’t matter how many times I say ‘STOP’. It doesn’t work. And when I suddenly say ‘f***’ which I don’t want to use, you realise the severity of it. Come on man, my friends, why must I resort to using such a vulgar word for you to realise it? I don’t get it.

So, how the hell can I remain calm? Everytime I wish to take each joke or whatever you call it with a pinch of salt, I can’t. You do it sooo often that it has accumulated till this extent that with every little joke, I’ll be pissed off.

I desperately want my old self back. I don’t want to get pissed off easily. I want to be patient. I want to be a lot of nicer things that being fierce and pissed off all the time. Can anyone just give me some peace and let me do what I want? I don’t know how, but I am trying to control.

So, please…