Archive for April, 2010

I should do something.

Hmm.. I think I’m going crazy. I got lots of things to handle – different clubs, academics, people and also, myself. I mean, not that I can’t cope, but I just need to get into the right attitude and the right mood for everything.

I shall not think too much about some things.

Well, I’m really excited for my studies though. Haematology, Clinical Chemistry, Medical Microbiology and attachment (overseas, hopefully)!! I think I’m going to love what I study. At least for now. Will see if it’s hell after I’ve began. Hehe.

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Who are the people that I truly want to be with?

Well, I don’t feel too good now because of a few issues. I’m quite bothered by something which I shouldn’t mention here. And I thought back about things and really regret making that decision. Seriously, betrayed trust. Until now, it’s still quite hard for me to believe that that trust that I gave to someone has been misused. One of the few persons that I trust the most in my life. But well, things like that do happen. I guess I just have to say, “People are really not who you think they are sometimes.”

A group of people, I thought they were the best people to have around. But when things don’t go well, or when the situation changes, the whole table is turned. Suddenly, there’s this fear when I’m around them and there’s a feeling of ‘all eyes on me’. That really felt like crap. And frankly, ideology clashes.

However, another group of people, I thought they were really good, but things went wrong when we had our own roles to play in a particular committee. However, you are free to speak your mind. Now, they are one big group of awesome people who give you chance when things go wrong. And despite any quarrels, we’re still one big family. I feel really great around them, knowing I can contribute in some ways, and I’m accepted.

So, sometimes, it starts off real good and you think it’s the best thing ever. Then the next thing you suddenly have is an argument. Once the argument starts, it’s never erased. They keep that in mind whenever they are with you and things will never be the same again. While other times, things screw up, but in the end, you accept each other again and get back together.

So, what I want to say is, sometimes people are not what you think they are. And an argument or disagreement is one of the best ways to gauge whether they are really people you want to hang out with or not. If you can get back together and laugh like nothing happened before, they’re a good bunch of people to hang out with. But if you feel completely uneasy after that and no one else is putting in the efforts to get back together, that’s when you know that things aren’t what they seem to be.

Those are my thoughts. And I just need to vent my feelings here. Sometimes, things like that just keep me wondering, who are the people that I truly want to be with?

Some thoughts…

Many things happened lately and I’ve given lots of thoughts to them. This is one of the weirdest holidays, yet I’ve spent lots of time reflecting on myself, my life and also people.

Things that happened lately made me realise some things. And now, I just wish to get rid of a few things on my mind. I tried to get rid of them, but well, they come back once in awhile. So, I thought I’ll just dump them here.

I think sometimes some people just want to get back at you no matter what. You don’t really know them well and they probably don’t know you well too. I guess it’s something like, ‘I don’t like how you look.’ kind of reaction. So, they just don’t care about you and just shoot you back no matter what, without thinking through whatever they say to you. Well, that’s really ridiculous don’t you think? Have you ever put yourself into others’ shoes? What do you benefit from such actions? Making people feel horrible? Or are you trying to let the person know that you don’t like him or her? Has it ever come across your mind that the person doesn’t like you either?

Come on man, so what if you don’t like him/her at first glance? I think people should just try to accept it. It isn’t fair for the other person to be treated this way when he/she didn’t do anything wrong. I know what it feels like to feel totally uncomfortable with somebody. And I did my best to be friends with her. And now, we’re totally fine.

Argh. It just disturbs me that I’ve come across such people and they’re suppose to be more mature than me. >< Oh wells, no matter what, I’ll still do my best to treat them well as I do not want to be seen as a person described above.

And recently, I’ve made many big mistakes. I acknowledge them. However, sometimes people need to stop and listen for a moment. Why does it seem like I’m the cause of every single problem? Everything is me. How can I be the only cause to the problems? Did I repeat something that I did wrongly before? I mean, if something is wrong, it should be mentioned earlier. If not, the person will continue making the same mistake. And at the end, you blame the person for so many things but that’s because he/she doesn’t know that it’s not right in the first place. So, I just wish that people can be a bit more reasonable about such things and not be blinded by the problem caused. :/

Next, I can’t believe I can trust some people so much that when I think that something is not right, I still continue believing that I’m thinking too much because it’s impossible for that to happen for the person. But unfortunately, I should’ve believed in myself as some people betrayed my trust. Oh wells. I must be more careful next time.

Well, there are more thoughts but I guess I shall not put them here.

Anyway, there are so many different types of people in this world that’s making life difficult for us. However, I shall not let them stop me from being a happier person.

がんばって!

Jaslyn.