Updates again.

I get so bored these days, not exactly because I have nothing to do, but more like I have no mood for anything. Apparently, the heat isn’t helping. The past few days, I only managed to study some Physics.

I just got to get rid of all the mood swings and stuff. It’s really affecting my studies, in a way. For example, when I’m suppose to study cause I have the time, I won’t study because I just can’t concentrate. It sucks. It’s like, I know I got to study but I just can’t. That’s why, when I can study, I go really crazy into it and wish for no interruptions at all.

On Friday night, I slept with the air-conditioner switched on. I slept pretty well actually. So, I’ve concluded that my sleep is highly affected by the temperature of the bedroom. It’s just so hot that I can’t sleep. Unfortunately, I sleep with the fan switched on almost daily. )): Because switching on the air-conditioner will mean more energy consumed and more money spent on electricity bills. >< So, what’s the solution to my sleeping problems? I don’t know.

I feel like the motivation and determination don’t last long at all. It shouldn’t be this way. I need them to last for me to go on and achieve what I want. Just 3 days, and I can’t even study enough. Then what happens when the June holidays come? If this really affects me, I’m totally screwed during the June holidays cause I should be preparing like crazy for my prelims. I don’t want what happened last June to happen again this time. It really won’t help. It’ll screw up my whole life. So, I really really hope that I can get my motivation and determination back soon.

It’s back to school tomorrow. Personal studying time before recess, then lessons after recess. Hope I’ll get to study properly before recess. I know I’m hoping for a lot of things to happen. But seriously, I can’t really control them though I tried to. Oh wells.

lots of love,
Jaslyn.

Issues.

Yes. I’m finally updating. I just need to rant and stuff cause I can’t take it anymore. I’ve been trying to convince myself that everything is fine and stuff, pretending that nothing is wrong. But still, I’ve been experiencing it and nothing got better.

Every night, I wonder how long do I have to stay awake before I fall asleep. I listen to music, toss and turn, trying to fall asleep. But things don’t always work that way. I just can’t have my nice peaceful rest to replenish my energy for the next day. Either I take really long to fall asleep, or I kept waking up in the middle of the night. That’s totally crap. Is that how proper human beings sleep? I doubt so. I really don’t know what to do about this issue. And I’ve decided, if I can’t sleep, I’ll MAKE MYSELF FEEL SLEEPY BY S-T-U-D-Y-I-N-G. Yes, cause it does make me feel sleepy after some time. And I noticed that if I go to the bed, I fall asleep rather quickly. So, that’s my ‘strategy’ I guess. And, subjects that will make me fall asleep are: PHYSICS, SOCIAL STUDIES and maybe crazy math that’ll take me hours to try to figure out how to do it. (: I don’t care if I fall asleep at the table and wake up with a stiff neck or something. I JUST WANT MY REST. Another thing is, I just hope mom won’t wake up and ask me to go to bed cause it’s not like I don’t want to go to bed, it’s just that I can’t sleep. So, I hope things work out the way I ‘planned’.

Another issue, the abdomen. I have a ‘perfect’ abdomen that has lots of activities going on everyday, and I mean INSIDE. I shall not describe what I feel. But, it has been going on for a year and a half. As mentioned above, I tried ignoring it. But sometimes, things like that are just too obvious that they can’t be ignored. I’ve tried medications. They don’t seem to work. I don’t take anything now, and I’m glad I’m not cause I never like taking any of those medications. My abdomen really ruins things. Probably my appetite too, though I would agree that my appetite is affected partly due to my mood. Actually, I have no freaking idea what’s going on.

Last issue, my throat. The doctor said it’s swollen. Right. So, how am I going to get rid of it? No answer. Something is there, but I don’t know that. I can see it without a torch shining at it. But the doctor didn’t say anything about it and I think he probably ignored it when I tried telling him. I feel like my throat is constricted. And I feel like it’s VERY VERY SORE. Tried Strepsils, Woods, Vicks and whatever lozenges, they didn’t help. I even tried Danzen tablets from the pharmacy. It has been around since last October/September.

I know what people say, “it’s all in your head.”, “you’re faking all these”, “you want to see the doctor cause you like them”, “you look fine! I don’t see what’s wrong with you at all!”. So, I’m having lots of fun? I feel like crap, all right? You guys don’t believe me, fine. I wonder if I even believe in myself. I don’t feel like seeing the doctor. But these problems are plaguing me.

I know, I sound ’emo’ and all that. But seriously, I AM BOTHERED BY THESE STUFF.